Never again
by green eyes and blond girls
Summary: Something different came to pass on that fateful day at canary wharf. Something she had never imagined. The day was saved but she was still sent away; sent away by the man she trusted above all, the one she never thought could betray her. Broken and lost, she vowed never to trust again, even if it his him. AU doomsday...Not your generic reunion fic
1. Chapter 1

**I was going to begin with the doomsday AU chapter but I just randomly started with this one. I know the doctor is slightly OOC but it was intentional as you will see.**

James was never really talented at anything. He flunked college, certainly didn't have what you could call an athletic body and was nowhere even near rich. Bartending was the best he could do and he was fine with it; a small flat, enough money to get by and lots of free time to catch the football matches on telly.

But if there was one thing he prided on, it was the fact that he was a people person. He had no idea why but they always ended up divulging all their secrets, their deepest sorrows, worst regrets and he was always there for them, listening eagerly and encouraging them. Others collected stamps or trophies, he collected stories. Maybe thats why he loved his job so much

By now he thought he had heard all the sob stories, the betrayals, the losses. That was until 'he' came. He never caught his name in the five minutes he got to speak with him but those five minutes changed his life.

《Line break》

"James you're late again", jack said indignantly as he got out from behind the booth and gestured him to take his place," Its not the first time you've made me work past my shift. "

Taking his place he called out to jack's retreating figure," sorry mate, won't happen again".

"Thats what you say everytime", came back the retort and james grinned. Another usual day.

3 hours had passed and it was nearing midnight. Most of the customers had already left or were too inebriated to talk coherently. He was just itching to leave. Just another fifteen minutes, he thought to himself, and he could be off.

Suddenly, the familiar sharp sound of the door opening alerted him. That was unusual, people never came this late. He looked up to see a man in late twenties with floppy hair and green eyes. But the man was adorned in really odd clothes for someone visiting a small-time bar. A bowtie for Christs sake!

But nonetheless it was a new face; a new story to fathom and he was always up for it. The man took his seat at he booth as James stepped forward, a washcloth in hand to sweep off the mess on the table."What would you like to...", he began but trailed of when the man glanced at him. Those green eyes had a haunting look about them. Never had he seen eyes so old...so old and tired like they held the burdens of the entire universe.

He blinked and mentally reprimanded himself. Why did he zone out? The late nights must be getting to him.

Before he could begin again, the man stopped him," Nothing really. I...I just want to sit". The man's broken voice was so full of suffering and pain that he couldn't bring himself to tell him to leave. He had seen lots of defeated men, men who had lost everything, but this man seemed like he was carrying hundreds of years of burdens upon his shoulders.

He had never felt this compelled to do something so much before, but there was no way he was leaving without hearing this man's story. Leaning down on the wooden table he looked into those eyes again, those unfathomable deep eyes that seemed to draw him towards it like it had a hold over him,"So what happened?"

The man seemed confused, surprised even. His face morphed into a more guarded one as he eyed him suspiciously," What do you mean?"

"Your story mate! What happened to you? I have seen lots of men who come here to drown out their loneliness and sorrow. They all have one thing in common though. They're just looking for someone to share it with. ."

The man seemed to relax a bit," And why would you think I am sad"

James guffawed" That shattered lost look on your face for starters. Seriously man you just seem so genuinely broken like you might just kill yourself if you got the chance." Suddenly James felt incredibly uncimfortable" You're not gonna do that now are you? 'Cause really mate...". He tugged at his collar trying to ease the tension. He had no idea why he was at such a loss of words. Usually he could talk at a million miles per hour.

The man finally smiled a little,"Nothing like that". However he didnt continue any further,rather turning his head downwards.

James waited for a whole five minutes, hoping he would come around. Finally, he sighed in defeat as the impatience took over. There was no way he was going to force this man. The man seemed so fragile as it is. Washing the last of the glasses and doning on his jacket, he was just about to ask the man to leave when the man spoke," Rose".

James stopped himself in his tracks. It was not just because the man was about to tell him something about himself, but the way he said those words, the raw emotions pouring out from that one single syllable was enough to arrest him on the spot.

"What did you say?", he said as retraced his steps.

"Rose", the man said again," that was her name. Rose Tyler. My Rose Tyler", the man gestured him to sit besides him. James was supposed to be locking up the bar by now but right now he didn't care. Overcome by sheer curiosity, he sat besides this mystery of a man, placing his coat on the booth and motioning him to go on.

The man took a long breath," I..I was a war-hardened soldier at that time. I had lost everything in that war, everything and the worst part?, it was all my fault!, my freakin fault!", by this time the man's voice had escalated to a shout. The unbriddled emotions were escaping him and and James was sure that he had never told anyone about this before.

The man seemed to regain his composure,"I no longer wanted to live. I was tired. Tired of life,loss, sadness, loneliness. I was this close to finally giving in when she came into my life. All pink and yellow, full of life and youth and hope. She was so beautiful, so pure of heart, innocent. And you know what I did?", the man's face was inches from his and James was seriously doubting his decision. The near manic gleam in the man's eyes wasn't helping him either.

"I took all that beauty and crushed it! Every last bit of it! She didn't deserve it. She loved me. Oh she was so brave and me, I was a coward. Couldn't even say those three words, me, when I had a chance and now there will never be another again. You know the first words I ever said to her were 'run'. But it was me who ran, always me. She was there waiting for me everytime, every single freaking time. I..I broke her. That look in her eyes as she..left it shattered my hearts. She-she was my world and I threw it away. Just because I did not want suffer lose again. So selfish", the man's voice had turned to a melancholy whisper.

James had no idea how to respond. It wasn't the story, it was the emotions behind them. He could make out that the man had just given him a small glimpse into the events of his life and even that left him utterly dumbfounded. He clasped the man's hands within his own.

"Then find her. If you still love her, find her and bring her back to you".

"I can't, she is somewhere out of my reach. I tried everthing but I can't"

"There is always a way you just need to be determined enough to find it"

The intense moment passed as the man stood up with a confident look," Maybe..maybe you are right". After that he began mumbling some wierd sciency stuff that James could make no sense of. He caught some snippets of 'time rotor' and 'parallel worlds' but that only managed to confuse him more.

The man snapped out of his thoughts when the gong for midnight sounded. He began making his way out of the bar barely glancing at James. When James was just about sure that the man had completely forgotten about him, he turned back.

"Thank you", he whispered, his eyes shining with warm gratitude. With that he was off and James was left to ponder over what exactly occured. As he got up, his hand brushed against a piece of paper which he was sure wasn't there before. It must have been the man's he thought as he opened it. In it was written

" James, thats your name right? Go to the stationery shop next door and ask the man to give you a lottery ticket I gave him. Just say geronimo and he'll give it. Its the winning numbers. Don't ask me how I know, I just do

- the man who just left a minute back I think..I dunno if I got the time perfectly.


	2. Chapter 2

He thought that sending her away was for her own good, that it would keep her safe! How wrong he was. Didn't he know that she was safest beside him? So she came back to him. The daleks were sucked through the void while she stayed by him, hanging on to the weights for her dear life, but feeling more alive then ever.

They returned to the TARDIS with unbriddled euphoria, atleast she did. He seemed unusually quiet but she brushed it off as sadness for the genocide he had committed even if it were the daleks. Her reasons though were much more than just another day that was saved.

The few terrible moments when she was stuck in the parallel universe had nearly broken her. Fortunately she had managed to make it back. Though she would miss her mom terribly, knowing that the sense of loss had yet to register, she was certain that that was no longer her life. The Doctor was.

Not in a desperate, dependent way. The doctor was a big part of it(atleast more than she was willing to admit), but so was the travelling, the saving, the sheer excitement of the unknown, not knowing what the next day would bring. Once she could never imagine life past Henrick's and the powell estate, but now she could never imagine life without the Doctor and his Tardis.

She now understood why he kept moving across time and space, never stopping, never settling. Because now she wanted to do the same. "Rose", a voice called out from the other side of the console. She knew it was him, but something was off. There was no joy or excitement when he said those words. Rather unusual of him, she thought.

She wanted to see his face. This doctor was much more expressive and she was sure she could easily pinpoint what was disturbing him, but sadly he was on the opposite side of the console.

"Yeah", she responded tentatively.

"Come here", he said but his tone made her shiver. The distant tone he had adopted only the first time when they had met, when he did not know her. She couldn't refuse though.

"Yeah", she said stepping around the console. What she saw shocked her. The Doctor was leaning against the console, his eyes suspuciously wet and head down, as if he had done something really bad. She felt bad for him. Maybe the death of the Daleks weighed more on his heart than she had previously assumed.

She wanted to comfort him, so she tried to step closer but realised she couldn't. She tried to speak but no words would come out. She looked at the Doctor, giving him her most scared look but it seemed to have no effect on him. He merely sighed and pushed himself off the console, stationing himself before her.

"Aah I assume you would have lots of questions", he began," Its quite simple. As soon as I realised about the void, I made a small detour to the tardis. A little extra energy from the rift, infusing the rotor with void particles and voila, the TARDIS can harness the void energy. Did some more tweaking so she could create a small sister void of her own, made sure you stepped into it and now here you are, stuck in limbo for the time being."

She was utterly confused but could make out this much-the doctor had trapped her. But she still wasn't afraid. He was the Doctor, he must have his reasons. So she merely scrunched up her eyebrows, trying to ask him Why.

Here the Doctor blanched. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. He did it a few more times before averting his eyes from her. She was getting impatient. Why did the Doctor need to go to such lengths to make her still, she would have done it if he had just asked. Her mind was whirling with questions.

She felt a small hint of doubt regarding the situation but she instantly banished it. She trusted him completely. Finally the Doctor seemed to regain himself as he turned back to her. His eyes seemed even more wet now and his hands were trembling slightly. He seemed so vulnerable.

"Rose", he began again, "I...I you have to understand why I am doing this. I am a selfish old man Rose. And you are so beautiful. So beautiful and brave and loyal my Rose Tyler. You of all people should understand. I have had my fair share of heartbreaks and losses, actually more than anyone deserves. But not anymore..not anymore. So you see why I have to do this right? I can't have you here because one day something terrible will happen to you and I will no longer be able to go on.

But the universe needs me and I fear that one day you will become more important to me than the entire universe, if the day hasn't already come."

Rose couldn't believe what she was hearing, neither did she have any idea about where this was going. The only thing she could do was listen. The Doctor stepped closer to her, flicking away a stray strand of hair.

" I am sending you back to the parallel dimension, the TARDIS has enough void energy to make one last trip and I still have the dimension jumper. You have to understand.I am not doing this just for me. You will have a better chance at life now. Back with Jackie and Pete and Mickey. You will no longer be a shop girl, you will be a saviour and the daughter of the richest man there. Don't you see what I am doing? I am giving you a better chance at life.", he placed it in her hands and closed her fingers upon it. She could only continue to stare at him. Everything she had ever feared was coming true. He was betraying her. He, whom she would give her life for, was sending her away. She had stood by him everytime he asked, always come back for him and he still thought that she did not want this?

Nothing else mattered. Not the reasons or excuses. Just the stark betrayal slapping her in the face. He cupped her face in his hands, looking deep into her eyes." I am sorry. I am so sorry Rose Tyler". With that he gave a soft squeeze to the hand holding the dimension jumper.

Light flashed around her and for a moment she became free. She knew this was her only chance. " I loved you", she whispered softly. He merely stared as she began to vanish and at that moment she knew for sure that her world had ended. No TARDIS, no Doctor.

She had never ever been spiteful but she hoped that for this once, her betrayed and horrified face would remain etched in his memories forever.


End file.
